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TheOnion: Dead Teenager Remembered For Great Hand Jobs https://t.co/cKvgyUAh5W https://t.co/3lFkKGFCeK - 2017-04-25 03:30:12



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shanedawson: when u order something online vs when it arrives https://t.co/ozMpvh1FYP - 2017-04-24 18:57:44



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TheOnion: Rescuers Heroically Help Beached Garbage Back Into Ocean https://t.co/gfslV8LtfC https://t.co/EdlKYCnIgc - 2017-04-24 23:42:06



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TheOnion: Child’s Description Of Heaven During Near-Death Experience Specifically Mentions Book Deal https://t.co/DOWvOHE1sJ https://t.co/7S9ev1Kq2y - 2017-04-24 13:00:33



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TheOnion: Snack That Resided In Empty Vending Machine Slot Must Have Been Delicious https://t.co/mXRd81bC8W https://t.co/umy5y44glI - 2017-04-25 01:36:05



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TheOnion: Scientists Make Unclear Breakthrough After Giving Robot Cancer https://t.co/XAU1SU1cxS https://t.co/91A7mbUygw - 2017-04-24 14:34:06



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TheOnion: Panicked Newborn Didn’t Realize Breathing Would Be On Apgar Test https://t.co/UMXJJTpyn5 https://t.co/kudmM2Ipcp - 2017-04-25 12:10:07



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TheOnion: Parking Lot Attendant Seemingly Unaware New Day A Gift From God https://t.co/IXbl9nWxJH https://t.co/yOzfKD8O68 - 2017-04-24 12:13:08



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