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TheOnion: Leaf That Came Out Too Early Cold As Shit https://t.co/8tQKE2bhJ2 https://t.co/gdQKButBNz - 2017-03-25 18:57:10



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TheOnion: Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy https://t.co/i8lsfucc68 https://t.co/AhLOK6fh2X - 2017-03-26 15:34:07



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nerdist: Soon you may be able to heal a heart attack with cells grown on spinach: https://t.co/sfnzFdMyL6 https://t.co/0puKDpt5wz - 2017-03-26 14:01:20



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TheOnion: New Evidence Reveals Christ Lounged In Tomb For Extra Hour Before Finally Rising From Grave https://t.co/Nea2h7qmcx https://t.co/CtjCuvvblG - 2017-03-26 00:39:04



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TheOnion: King Hippo's New Boxing Gym Allows 8-Bit Teenagers To Get Off Pixelated Streets https://t.co/L2RZ5cirYU https://t.co/ZfLOvjZGYI - 2017-03-26 14:42:06



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TheOnion: Ira Glass Exhausted From Doing Every Single Voice On ‘This American Life’ https://t.co/xtW3rgvF4X https://t.co/6sF3dpoPA4 - 2017-03-25 16:06:07



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shanedawson: when you find a place that's only for you. https://t.co/O2JgdVVcEi - 2017-03-25 06:14:44



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TheOnion: God Seeking To Crack Down On Souls Smuggling Drugs Into Heaven https://t.co/5uVR7moBBQ https://t.co/9ZJxE0NeEr - 2017-03-25 15:09:07



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robdelaney: We know what "fake news" @CNN will say. But let's check in with today's papers from states who voted for Trump. https://t.co/RC3QxDFDDX - 2017-03-25 13:15:18



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